Jhakas | Sanjay Jha
I have been accused with both endearing reminders and impertinent nudges bordering on unconcealed rudeness by my readers that I should keep my columns abbreviated, and should desist from using abstruse language , best left in archeological ruins. With due apologies, I confess to being a willing victim of incorrigible bad habits, and albeit I will put up an enthusiastic endeavour to make amendments, I hope you will endure my insufferable pieces with your usual panache. God bless you !
I hate to say this, but I had warned the billion plus people in India from the time Greg Chappell opened his celebrated gob that he was destined to be a damp squib. The fact that he ended up being such a colossal catastrophe actually left even a cocky cynic like me befuddled. As hysteric discussions mount on India’s next coach ( supposedly the toughest assignment in the world after being Anjelina Jolies’s security guard) , I am getting some terrifying images of déjà vu. Are we once again voluntarily, through our innate genetic code pre-programmed for self-annihilation, once again headed for a second sequel to the famed Greg Chappell disaster? Scary proposition, seriously? Continue reading below
Look at Australia; they are having the last laugh, having won a record hat-trick of World Cups , with a home-grown lanky bird in John Buchanan as their coach. Sure, Dave Whatmore must have played a key role in the Sri Lankan juggernaut of 1996 that vanquished all others into tiny particles of dust, and Bangladesh is not a friendly neighborhood Spiderman for India no more, but the fundamental question is; does India need Whatmore? Or should we settle for a desi ( local) coach , familiar with the sons of the soil ( pun intended) , unlikely to raise a toast with a middle finger to excited home fans, squabble with all and sundry like a petulant, peeved and priggish egotist, and most importantly, who will leak his e-mails to his own letter box hanging precariously outside his door?
I would prefer a Munnabhai anyday to these firang obsessions which seems to haunt our BCCI blokes. It’s asinine; the writing is on the wall, cupboards, billboards, post-it’s , on every conceivable free space everywhere, but we just never seem to learn. No matter what Whatmore’s credentials, the fact is that the moustachioed gentleman demonstrated slippery traits by over-zealously promoting his candidature for the Indian coach’s job right in the middle of the World Cup, when Bangladesh was turning out to be the dark horse with galloping strides? Understandably, the Dhaka dudes were miffed with Whatmore, whose commitments can be judged to be as dicey as having both feet on banana peels.
Let’s be brutally honest here; the Indian job is a big turn on because of pure monetary considerations alone, and perhaps the accompanying media profile which ensures lucrative post-contract opportunities. The tragedy is that if Whatmore is lapping up the BCCI moolah for his superannuation gains alone, then Indian cricket will be damned into another dark tunnel. Also, why is BCCI running around like a desperate bonzo begging for a coach? For heaven’s sake, shouldn’t there be a full-fledged beauty parade, outlining expectations, defining job profile, describing realistic challenges, setting objectives, and then inviting all serious aspirants to a thoroughly grilling interview before a competent committee which should include the captain and vice-captain? Why are we succumbing to the first available unemployed coach from across border , just because of past reputation? And since we already have Venky Prasad and Robin Singh, why not select the missing link from someone who resides between Kashmir and Kanyakumari? Does India, according to BCCI, not have a single individual worth the salt? Sounds ludicrous to me.
Personally, I feel Chappell was a singular aberration. Such classic failures don’t happen in close, immediate frequency, and to that extent whoever dons the mantle, will look like the valiant knight in shining armour. Maybe that’s why the clamour for the job by high profile coaches, notwithstanding the heavy odds against succeeding given the way we run cricket in India.
But I would go with an Indian coach like Sandeep Patil. He guided a weak team without a single sponsor into the World Cup semi-finals, has coached India A, has hammered Bob Willis for six fours in an over, is “ young” ( which means he is not yet 60) , has openly expressed interest in the job which means he is willing to take the bull by the horns. A MS Dhoni, Wasim Jaffer, Harbhajan Singh , Mohd Kaif etc will be much more familiar hanging out with him than a foreign import, the Hi, Mate twang notwithstanding. Moreover, after John Wright and Chappell, we should experiment a domestic Made In India label .
India needs a coach who is an inspirational force, a true leader, one who builds unity amongst diverse team-members whose ambitions are in perpetual conflict, and is a smart trouble-shooter. A crisis man. A tough cookie who does not give space for trouble-mongers, and yet is their closest confidante. A guy who understands the fanatical Indian fan following , the enormous pressure the cricketers go through , the myriad politics that governs the game, and the commercial exploitation that can derail the team from their tracks.
Does Whatmore fit the bill? Frankly, I don’t think so. An Indian coach is the panacea for the Indian team . After Chappell, we need to give the team a much-deserved respite. A rejuvenating therapy .
As Munnabhai would say, “ Whatmore kahin waat na lagaa de”. Sorry, lost in translation.
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