Jhakas | Sanjay Jha
It is rumoured that when former cricketer Chandu Borde received a phone call telling him about his appointment as Manager of the Indian team for the next 100 days, he apparently thought it was the omnipresent Cyrus Broacha pulling a MTV Bakra prank on him. On being assuaged by his family that his appointment was Breaking News on TV channels even before he had received an official verbal intimation himself, Borde was hugely relieved. He was BCCIs Bakra, he thought with a cocksure grin, not that inane absurdity of the teeny-bopper generation called MTV.
Borde sensed, with abundant sentiments of self-triumph, that he was joining an illustrious list of BCCI Bakras Hall of Fame. Borde was apparently so thrilled that he even interrupted the delicious shrikhand dessert he was earlier digging into with mountainous relish. Continue reading below
Chacha Chandu has also created an enviable, difficult to surpass feat in genetic engineering. Last night, he was heralded as a 72 year old by most channels, but by the time the sun dawned this morning, Chacha Chandu had transfigured into 73 years, obviously ageing rather rapidly at the onerous responsibility ahead of him. By the time he returns from watching Shah Rukh Khan’s wax statue at Madam Tussaud’s, he could be given his recent chronological ascent, the oldest man on planet earth.
Inside speculation (which means shady sources within BCCI, which means practically everyone who is anyone is a high-suspect, including Sharad Pawar) is that Chacha Chandu’s name was sponsored without any commercial investment, by Ravi Shastri and Sunil Gavaskar. Why these two over-rated media characters (the only criteria, I assume, for them carrying off their haloed façade with such cocky abandon, despite the Ford Fiasco and several others, is that they speak English mostly with the right articulation) chose Chacha as the sacrificial goat remains a clouded mystery.
Gossip mills hint that Chacha had sneakily applied for a job in the idiot box belonging to the same channel blokes who own cartoon characters ( I mean, Mickey Mouse, and am not making any deliberate allusions ) which threatened Saz and Gaz’s survival itself in ESPN. The last remaining motive, is by default, oodles of sadistic pleasure.
Choosing the 70 odd Borde after hotly pursuing Graham Ford, is like chasing Mallika Sherawat for a dinner for two, but settling for chai with Mayawati. It also seems that his name cropped up when some BCCI official was overheard whispering that he was “Bored”. Eureka! The BCCI had found that elusive man, in that rare unguarded moment of private creativity.
Chacha Chandu, of course, had no idea what the national pandemonium was all about, as he was supposedly unaware of what his job entailed. Was he going as Manager cum batting coach or were they testing him, rather discreetly, in keeping with BCCIs Machiavellian ways, as a possible replacement for VVS Laxman in case the middle order needed further bolstering?
Either way, Chacha Chandu has reportedly planned replacing Greg Chappell’s military drilling with the fox trot, salsa and of course, the Cha cha cha. Flexibility is the name of the game, says the retired man from the Pensioner’s Paradise called Pune.
STOP PRESS:
I just heard that BCCI has hauled up Chandu Borde for disciplinary action under Section 420 (i) as he violated the media gag order, when he said, “I am pleasantly surprised” etc etc. to the TV channels yesterday.
Chacha Chandu in defense, has seemingly retaliated by stating that he was not talking to the TV correspondents, but only talking and murmuring to himself.
Sunil Gavaskar, Ravi Shastri and the other members of the famous committee huddled together in a 5-Star resort (to avoid the media), and after some hectic deliberations and scathing debate, have accepted Chacha Chandu’s explanation, as “sound under the circumstances, although not entirely credible.”
Chacha Chandu! May God be with you!
