Jhakas | Sanjay Jha
Rahul Dravid was apparently sporting an electric blanket even as Chacha Chandu walked gingerly behind the Indian skipper, his face barely visible in a monkey cap. Sourav Ganguly mistook Chacha for Ranadeb Bose and gave him a tight bear hug, and Chacha, overwhelmed by the passionate clinch, said” Oh, Gourav, you are too much.” The other celebrated members of the Indian squad were in the meantime involved in an unseemly wrangle, each one desperately attempting to seize the other’s warm blazer. Mahendra Singh Dhoni, it is rumoured restored order, by authoritatively waving his locks, and demanding respect. He was the vice-captain, he screamed from his hoarse throat (which has been the source of the problem), and had the first rights on seized jackets. "Keep that infected mouth shut, MSD", screamed his enraged colleague, even as he collapsed in paroxysms of deep cough.
Back home in India, Lalit Modi of BCCI, was seriously contemplating calling a drug multinational manufacturing Coldarin tablets to co-sponsor the tournament as a "last minute" surprise package deal. Modi was making a convincing plea to the potential sponsor of the gargantuan benefits of "viral" marketing for their brand. The BCCI has in the meantime demanded that the ICC Technical Committee immediately convene an emergency meeting and permit a 7–a-side match between India and South Africa, as some of the players are still suffering from flu, jetlag or sightseeing. The ICC, not averse to safari adventures in wild experimentation, said, "But it will have to be official." Continue reading below
But what about abbreviated TV coverage? said an ex-cricketer turned commentator. That’s not a problem, said the ICC Technical committee member, who has recently been the favorite zone for target shooting by a friendly soft –spoken left arm spinner. “We will make the match a three-innings game per side. Unique, no?
Suddenly there was utter pandemonium amongst the shivering scribes as a visibly upset Chacha Chandu indiscreetly gave inside gossip that famous boxer Mike Tyson had offered himself as the coach of the Indian cricket team, another original suggestion from our own Sunil Gavaskar after the Emburey googly. BCCIs Niranjan Shah was so thrilled with the development, that they had organized Tyson’s interview in Kent. But the Selection Committee (who had insisted on a virtual interview of Tyson citing security reasons), slightly nervous and tentative about the outcome of the negotiations, had resigned. Gavaskar was having the last laugh. Fool and final, said Sunny Bhai.
And Bollywood actress Ameesha Patel is planning to sue the BCCI as she was asked by Prof Ratnakar Shetty if she would like to volunteer her awesome services to the creaking bodies of the Men in Blue, in the role of a physiotherapist. Shetty, like a true gentleman, apologized prodigiously when he realized his silly mistake. Mistaken identity et al behind him, Shetty went on to call Rakesh Patel for the job. He refused. Someone called Nitin Patel was later seen boarding an aircraft in Heathrow. His first job was to restore the broken elbow of the former physiotherapist.
I just heard an agitated Chacha Chandu on a TV channel. “Sir, Can India handle Sidebottom?” asked the sweet-faced thing with a sharp nose. “What weda questions, you boys ask these days, really? There is no such thing as a side bottom, Sir! The bottom is always at the back”. The female journalist was being resurrected with cold-water showers as I turned to my laptop.
As I write this piece, the Breaking News on all channels is "The BCCI warns the Indian spectators and public from watching the ICL matches."
