Jhakas | Sanjay Jha
Have you seen the Sanjay Dutt comical farce called Dhamaal? In that movie, almost every few seconds someone slaps the other chap for no apparent reason. And the audience roars in the aisles , their stomachs doing a muscular juggle. Since Mr Lalit Modi, IPL Commissioner or Commander or Constable or whatever has officially declared the IPL as a " TV reality show" , he should be ideally thrilled by Harbhajan Singh's right-handed stinging slap across S Sreesanth's left cheek. Because it makes the classic marriage between cricket and Bollywood now so complete! So sacrosanct. So very pure! So symbiotic!
After Monkeygate, a flood-gate of sorts has clearly opened. Slapgate, Cheerleader skirts- gate, and now India's own tear-front by the summer lake ! Our own cricketing Watergate ! For the sake of respect for the endless tumblers that poured down S Srresanth's eyes that other tragic day in Punjab, we shall christen that bizarre day of historic proportions as TearGate. Continue reading below
S Sreesanth is known to be a pesky brat, almost like a perennially buzzing mosquito in the ear. Of course, besides serenading Bollywood divas and doing a poor woman's Shakira act on us, he can also contort facial expressions which even the haloed Anupam Kher's acting academy have yet to conceptualize. Sree loves to be in a state of constant emotional constipation.
Harbhajan Singh is beyond rational description where his inflammatory temper is concerned. They say, and it is an inconvenient truth perhaps , that it is just a " North Indian " trait. Otherwise, the Sardar is supposed to have a " heart of gold biscuits".
At Mohali, after a third successive defeat for Mukesh Ambani's Mumbai Indians, Bhajji , apparently in a fit of impulsive tempestuousness , gave a reverse sweep shot , stinging Sree on either his left or right cheek or somewhere in close proximity. Evidently, Bhajji is doing this for a larger social imperative, "national integration" if you please, and to effectively buttress Raj Thackeray's Me Mumbaikar salvoes on poor hapless migrants.
Who knows, the famous slap might result in a regional reconciliation. Who can now be a better role-model for the Mumbaikar city patriotism than our dear old Bhajji?
Mohali franchise owner , the dimpled Preity Zinta, apparently going Jhoom barabar Jhoom after her team's lone victory momentarily " was not even aware" of this immature episode , even as a billion people ( according to Sony's MAX channel TRP estimates perhaps even Osama bin Laden has been watching IPL proceedings religiously) saw the Indian team spirit in full glory interspersed by glitzy commercials, cheerleader swings, and over-zealous TV commentators trying hard to sound breathless with immeasurable excitement.
About an hour later, Sree described Bhajji as an elder brother who just jostled him in friendly banter. Sure, Bhai ho to aisa!
Bhajji denied he ever slapped him; he just gave him a soft nudge he said, the kind you might get on MSN Messenger.
Sree cried, like an inconsolable schoolboy, even as a BCCI office bearer objected harshly to his flowing tear-ducts; " He should not have bawled publicly". What he meant was that may be Harbhajan can try his slapping practise in a more secluded private spot.
Sree's family was obviously shell-shocked.
Bhajji's seemed to believe that his over-friendliness is usually misconstrued.
BCCI, fully aware that this slapping incident might just make the usually gullible public wake up and say . " Yeh log to paachvi pass ke bhi layak nahi hain", and switch to SRKs disarming disposition, has swung in to an unprecedented damage control.
The author had warned BCCI officials ( refer my blogs dated ) that making Bhajji into a national icon post-the Andrew Symonds was a dangerous ploy, as it was based on totally fabricated pseudo-nationalistic jingoism. Bhajji was severely guilty even then, but our aggressive posturing was meant to conveniently brush aside our own glaring inconsistencies. Our own blatant lies. Today, the chickens are coming home to roost.
The crude exhibitionism demonstrated during player auctions, and the crass commercialization of the game has resulted in this sordid state. And to believe that S Sreesanth and Harbhajan Singh are expected to bury their embarrassing hatchet and play in the same eleven soon ! I twirl my greying moustache and pat my receding hairline , and believe I am privileged not to be part of this " youth brigade".
And it is indeed so strange that Sachin Tendulkar , India's most revered role-model , who vociferously fought Bhajji's case in Australia ( it suited everyone believe me, to become India's saviour) is now enigmatically silent , only a mute spectator, a quiet by-stander happening right under his nose. Why? Why Sachin, isn't Sreesanth your national team-mate or is protecting your deputy in the franchise team, more important?
I don't have to wait till the championship match to tell you what the final indelible image of IPL will be. Bob Woolmer cast a shadow over the Caribbean World Cup. IPLs will be the shadow of a slap. In a strange way, it is divine retribution. Poetic justice!
Sad, that Indian cricket has been reduced to a laughing stock even as a cricketer cried mid-field.
