Jhakas | Sanjay Jha
The world of cricket is in complete disarray, it's former pristine image disintegrating, as billionaire businessmen redefine and self-indulgent officials endorse its contours and road-map. The ICC, the supposed governing body is like a toothless pug, in a state of perennial impotence, watches the farce with a bland expression and blank cartridges.
A brief recap of the bizarre developments that makes the billion dollar game resemble a B grade silly soap, run like a banana republic by two-tailed monkeys. Continue reading below
1) Mr Allen Stanford, not a close cousin of George Bush from Texas, but a cash-surplus billionaire nevertheless, has brought in the American twist to the "gentleman's game", by making England player Matt Prior's better-half his "portable laptop". Fed up of dry arid lands in his home state, Stanford is hell-bent on making cricket a "garden-party affair". The grotesqueness is that of giant screens flashing that intimate contact just when the T20 slam-bam thank you ma'am was in the thick of some intriguing "action". And since that Texan cowboy is splurging USD 20 million in trivial pursuits, no one minds his wayward manners. Last heard, Hugh Hefner of Playboy fame wants to host a "quickie" in his colourful mansion.
2) Mr Lalit Modi, who has singularly championed the cause of blatant commercialization of the game is in a turd-slinging campaign with Arjuna Ranataunga, former World Cup winning captain, of the Sri Lankan cricket board. The not-so-friendly neighbours are trading charges, but it is obvious that Modi's IPL has destroyed any semblance of respectability for Test cricket. Sri Lanka will send a second-rate team for Tests to England next summer, while the real superstars will be busy accumulating private treasuries under flood-lights. The ICC, as usual, is a mute dumb spectator to this juvenile shadow-boxing contest. But frankly, does anybody care?
3) The ICC, thoroughly incompetent and totally bullied by BCCI, is allowing the ICL recognition issue to be mutually resolved between the two warring parties. It's like asking Andrew Symonds and Harbhajan Singh to amicably discuss who was the one at fault in Monkeygate affair over some chocolate chip cookies and cappuccino. Naturally, the end result is further acrimony, increasing bitterness and more abuse. The controversy rages on as the chimpanzees artfully dodge around snarling at each other.
4) In the meantime, ICL has achieved two unique distinctions; it has assumed control of B-grade teams like Bangladesh, and also made match-fixing a legitimate tool for creating "upset results". Someone from the ICL gang has even cockily announced his elation at the match-fixing allegations; at least someone is watching, it seems. These are desperate times evidently, and anything that sells deserves religious protection. All along, Rakhi Sawant gyrates with wild abandon, and Kapil Dev cries blue murder. As cricket commentators, short of creative thinking, keep blurting out, It's all happening out there".
5) With likely US President Barack Obama threatening to hunt down fugitive terrorist Osama bin Laden in Pakistan, international cricket is most likely to return to that country only when UN peace-keeping forces replace stadium crowds, and players wear-metallic clothing. In the meantime, the poor Pakistani players are fervently pleading for neutral venues such as Sharjah, Abu Dhabi and Morocco. Some are recommending Macau, as it also is a popular casino capital in near vicinity with great gambling opportunities. The ICL and IPL are outbidding each other, it is rumoured, for the Las Vegas of the east.
6) The crowds are remarkably conspicuous in India even when the leading gladiators are engaged in an entertaining duel. Of course, no one is perturbed, as according to an official from BCCI, the TRP ratings are still solid. Really, what a joke!
7) Gautam Gambhir elbowed Shane Watson, and Zaheer Khan humiliated Mathew Hayden. The India-Australia series is being played with intense competitive passion bordering on deep distrust and latent loathing for each other. All this talk of mutual respect for each other is a whole lot of horse-crap. Expect more dicey fireworks, angry outbursts, and physical assaults. Adam Gilchrist's autobiography has only added more OPEC fuel to the fire. The conflagration continues unabated. Indiscipline rages all around.
8) Leading TV broadcaster <i>Neo</i> has apparently defaulted on payments (maybe they are looking at an RBI bail-out), and till today no one knows where is the Champions League final to be played next month.
Strangely, the state of cricket today resembles Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom.
